Why You Won't Hear the Term "AMWF" From Me Again...

So thanks to some awesome girls I was chatting with today, I came to a realization...

Using AMWF isn't right for me and it can actually be problematic. 

 

Now please bear with me as this embarrassing misstep and subsequent epiphany was all very sudden. It actually occurred within a span of four days! Let me walk you through it.

Saturday
I had never heard or used the term AMWF Relationship before. I was asked to write a blog about my relationship (NOTE: I am NOT blaming Gina! The only way she is even slightly involved is it was her blog for which I was writing for. I made all decisions myself and I take full responsibility) and decided to lurk around the blogging community for some inspiration. The term I kept seeing come up again and again was AMWF. I thought it was a little weird and I had never once referred to my relationship as that but it seemed to be what was being used, and what people would recognize. So when it came time to write a post for my personal blog, I used it. I deleted it a few times, but put it back in because I thought, again, that was the proper terminology that people used. I should have listened to my gut instinct.

Monday

I write an article for my blog once again using the term AMWF and interracial along side intercultural. I post the link to it on a Dating in Japan comment thread on facebook thinking some people might find it interesting. I didn't think much of it. 

Tuesday

A discussion had started from my blog post, and the discussion was the term AMWF. I was excited since, as I mentioned, I wasn't a fan of it to begin with and was hoping that through discussion I could figure out exactly why that was, or if it was just personal preference. It was from that discussion that I realized how asleep I had been on the entire issue, the term and what it implies. 

AMWF stands for Asian Male White Female. To begin with this label sounds sort of porn-y, doesn't it? That's because it's actually used in porn! Trust me...don't google it. DON'T DO IT.

Secondly, AMWF places an emphasis on race. While, obviously, my boyfriend and I are different races that isn't actually what causes major differences in our relationship. It is our different cultures. It is because I am from Canada and have Estonian and Italian parents and that Tamito is from Japan that has had impact on our views and our beliefs and behaviours (however minor that impact may be). Our race has very little to do with our relationship. The only time I would say it even comes into play is that it is how people recognize from without speaking to us that we are in an intercultural relationship or somehow feel that our different races warrants an unsolicited comment. I am not here saying I am "colour blind" and don't see race or the impact race has in society. But I honestly feel it doesn't need to be the label of my relationship. So why use a label with such an emphasis on race?

The term AMWF is, as one of the ladies I was talking with put it so perfectly, "oddly specific without being really specific at all". It also excludes a lot of people, and in my opinion it sort of twists things in an unpleasant way. Asians in the West are still that, Asian. But they are going to have differences in culture and in their daily lives to Asians living in Asia. For example before coming to Japan I was dating a Chinese Canadian. He was born and raised in Canada. His experience and how his cultural upbringing affects him personally is different than how Tamito's has being born and raised in Japan. But both would be called AMWF? They are actually two very different situations and relationships and involve two very different individuals!

Asia is also full of different countries with beautiful cultures unique to them. The term AMWF completely umbrellas these cultures under one heading. But each one is so different from the other and could also cause conflict in a relationship! For example if a Korean man is dating a Chinese woman, they are both Asian but both have cultures different from one another. The same with using the term white. I am a white Canadian but my culture is different than that of a white American. Sure, maybe it isn't hugely different but still different none the less. This also comes back to my previous point that it is ethnic/cultural differences that impacts relationships and makes them interesting, dynamic and can even cause problems between a couple. 

I still stand by my comment that it would be ignorant to suggest culture doesn't impact a relationship. We are all products of our society and our culture. To different degrees. Of course each person is an individual and we are all unique. My Canadian experience is different than my Canadian neighbours. Tamito rejects certain things from his culture that other Japanese may embrace and vice-versa. But it still affects us, who we are as people and subsequently our relationship. 

I don't feel like my relationship is some special snowflake super rare thing. I don't shove it down everyone's throat that look I'm dating a Japanese man and isn't it so awesome and so sugoi desu?! To me, Tamito is Tamito. I don't care where he was born. I love him for who he is. That being said I would never try to claim my relationship isn't intercultural. It obviously it. Some people find this interesting! Some want to know what it is like, how or if it is any different from couples who share culture. That's great! Some intercultural couples don't want to share their stories to everyone, and that's okay! You don't have to! Make whatever decision is best for you and your partner! 

 

For me personally, I don't mind sharing my experiences. I said this in my previous post (which I have edited out the use of AMWF - but I don't and won't deny that I did use it) that intercultural relationships are becoming more common as the world becomes more and more intertwined. Of course intercultural relationships have existed for years. It isn't suddenly some recent thing. It is becoming more and more of the norm now, if anything. But that's exactly why it's fun to talk about it! To swap stories and to share relationship advice, to bond over shared experiences. To learn about something you may be unfamiliar with. So I will still be sharing my stories and looking forward to hearing others' stories in return! Love is fun, scary, exciting, and exhausting all at the same time! It is the best part of life! Plus, in my opinion, love stories are meant to be shared!